Missing Family

Last night my grandmother passed away. She had been feeling faint and unwell. Last Friday she was given a pacemaker. She came out of it just fine. There was some concern whether Coumadin/Warfarin should be given. She was a very small woman, only 4'8 and barely 90lbs. She had just celebrated her 81st birthday. She threw a clot on Sunday. Luckily my mom was caring for her, and was talking to her at the time, so she noticed right away. An ambulance ride back, and some tests, this time, she had some paralysis on her left side. But they felt positive about her recovery. She was in good spirits, even though she wasn't able to speak. They put her on the Coumadin and were monitoring her. She was to be released when all was well. Mom had gone home yesterday. She had another clot and this time it was permanent. It was in her brain. Everyone back home raced to her side. She held on until my mom got there. Then she stroked out again. My grandmother was brain dead. They turned off her life support. Funny thing about pacemakers, they keep ticking. Especially if it's a brand new one. She's not officially gone until the heart stops. Even though we know she's not there, it messes with the mind. You keep thinking she's gonna come out of it when the heart is still going.

My brother Egg, and I are on the east coast this is difficult for us, as it's no longer a 2 hour drive to see her, but a 5+ hour plane flight to SFO. Egg is heading home this weekend. He's gonna stay as long as needed. I'm rather stuck as Stinky is still in school. Goof, can't leave for long either. Mom wants us to wait until the services are arranged then we can fly down a day or two in advance and maybe stay a few days longer if needed. We'll see how that goes.

I didn't get to see her this last Christmas because of work. Stinky got to go home and see her atleast. I am in self hated mode right now. I know that I gave up a lot of chances to see her. I thought I had all the time in the world. Life is fleeting, we must all not take our loved ones for granted.

I have plenty of memories of her, that is what will keep me going on.