Calmer this morning

I am trying to be objective about this situation with Droopy and her son. The main issue is that she does not recognize the personal boundaries of other people. If Stinky were to approach someone and ask to do something, whether it be to enter a home, or ask a child to play, it is certainly within the rights of the adult to deny him. If he came to me with his feelings hurt, I would remind him that is their prerogative. She is hurt that my child does not want to play with her child. I understand that and sympathize with her. I can stand back and see that for whatever reasons Babymama does not want her children playing with my son. Again this is the adult's choice. My choice would be that a child has the right to play or not play with any child, unless that child endangers my child's physical or mental well being. I.E. language, or physical actions. I can be upset that my child was turned away, especially without given a reason. I tried to talk to Babymama, but was never able to discuss this with her. So our relationship is at best strained and civil.

Now back to Whinis. He intruded upon our personal privacy. If an adult tells a child, they can not come in to use the bathroom, then the resolution should be the parent telling the child, not to intrude upon the residence again. This is the home owner's decision. It is not a large obstacle especially since he lives only 3 houses away. Also another point. Whinis did not say he wanted to play with my child, but that he needed to use the bathroom. At no point did he qualify the request with wanting to play with my child. Droopy has altered the story to fit her needs. Her son was not at the home. He was in Big Red's house. Then he stopped off at her house to tell her where he was going. So at anytime he could have made a stop in his bathroom.

Droopy admitted that she asked Big Red's mother if her child had used their bathroom. This was answered in the positive. Supposedly, this is where she left it. Question answered end of story. This was not the end. The reason why I know it is such, was that both Big Red and his sister Kitty Kat made comments on two different days referring to our 'Superiority issue' Somehow this disagreement between adults involved another family. Casual victims. When I called her on this, she denied the accusation telling me that she had not mentioned it to the children, then she admitted that her words were said to her son. Which I'm sure this took place in front of the other children.

At no point did I threaten her, her comments to me were rather hurtful. Comments of how she is aware my husband makes quite a bit of money, and we had made money in CA, and since we feel superior, we should go back. I did not respond to these comments, but the facts are we made a choice to come out here. We have bought a home and trying to build ties to this community. This was my fault. Trying to make connections in my neighborhood, town, and state. I was willing to be generous and accepting. Also to a point lonely.

I told her that I have a deeper sense of privacy than she does. Her willingness to share details of her life are her own. I was willing to listen to what she had to say, but I chose not to share many private details to her. It takes me longer to open up and share all. Hell I don't share everything with my mother, and she has more of a right than Droopy does. What her actions were telling me was that my sense of privacy was inconsequential to her child's bowel movements. I was upset of course and I told her, perhaps this is a toilet training issue. Or on another even more degrading issue, the cleanliness of her home. This offended her. She felt it was not an issue of toilet training, nor an issue of cleanliness, since her child preferred to use his own bathroom. At this response I answered back, 'It doesn't seem that is the case, if your child is using other bathrooms instead of going home, which would only take a minute if less.'

The whole of our argument is really ridiculous. I should have risen above the fray and just chose to ignore it all. Then again, I did do that, and we got the comment of 'superiority' What this all proved was that Goof was correct. From the first meeting to the last visit with her. He has felt that she enjoys the drama. The need to cause a scene. It gives her a sense of importance. Somehow he believes she has a sense of inferiority and has to prove it constantly. Whether it be touting her 'high IQ', Whinis' test scores, or what experiences she may or may not have actually lived. Her reactions indicate the need to feel accepted, intelligent, and or correct.

Some of these stories she has related to me, others I have heard through the children. One of the stories that always sends Goof off into laughter is her martial arts skills. I have mentioned that I took some martial arts myself, and that Stinky was instructed also, and to boot, by an instructor who has the distinction of being involved with the major movies of martial arts - Matrix, and Kill Bill. I admit, it wasn't to brag necessarily, but just mentioning that the instructor was very strict and exacting while Stinky was learning. She never told me about the many styles of martial arts she knows, whereas the other children have told us about it. Bragging? Not bragging? Exaggerating to get children to co operate? Goof says the best ending to his last interaction with her, would have been to ask her to name the fighting styles she knows or name one hundred moves. He says this because he had a hard time keeping a straight face while she was telling her son, what moves to pull on Barney, should he try to throw debris at Whinis again.

All this drama over the basic privacy levels I have, versus her son's need to walk into a house when he chooses. She says that is not the case, but the fact that my son speaks dismissively to her child. Again, speaking from experience, Stinky has been hurt when older children did not want to play with him. I have told him that it is not a good idea for children with at least 3 years age difference to play together unless the children are related. When Stinky was 8 he wanted to play with children 12 and older. I reminded him that it was not a good idea, and not to push the issue. Obviously Droopy does not see this delineation mark. Her comments are telling as she told me Big Red's mother does not want her oldest son spending time with Droopy. She feels that a high school senior should not be talking to an almost 40 year old woman. She is correct. I would not want my son to spend time talking to Droopy. It is not acceptable. If the woman was a therapist, or counselor, yes. If Stinky were to hang out with my adult cousins, yes that is acceptable. It is family, not the next door neighbor you have only known for 2 years. There is a fine line with teenage boys and adult women. We see it on the news all the time.

Goof asked me this morning not to interact with her again. I told him, I was not interested in any contact with her, whether by phone or in person. We will do the same thing we have done with Enabler, we politely ignore each other. No need to wave or greet each other.