Am I just expecting too much?

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. I took the cart for my weekly lunch with Neville's mom. Just the usual chatter about our boys and their struggles to perform well in school, and socialize with their peers appropriately. I'm worried about how Stinky and his friends talk to each other. They use derogatory names. Calling each other idiot, fag, or asshole. I don't like it. I'm sure I maybe hypersensitive to it. And lord knows I get frustrated and call Goof 'asshole' under my breath daily. I just wonder is this a trend that will pass or is it something that males just do? It's a problem because Neville is hyper sensitive to being called names. As it is we had an incident last week where one of the neighbor girls called him "Alfalfa" and he took offense to that. She also hit him in the rear with a crochet mallet after he got her wet with a water balloon. Not the best toy to play with when it's 40*f outside. He yelled and threatened to beat her face in. Stinky stopped him, and we took him home as he was not willing to calm down. Obviously Neville does not take well to being called anything other than his name.

I had Stinky mow the front lawn on Monday, and yesterday he had to blow all the debris off the lawn and easement. As an extra incentive I offered to take him and a friend to get ice cream when he was done. He did a very good job on the front, and he chose Big Red to bring along. Well that's all fine and dandy. We waited an hour for him to finish his math homework and he came over. The drive over was fine, but my issue with Big Red, is that he has no social manners. He chose the biggest size ice cream. Well that was fine. This boy is 6'3 and well over 200lbs. He's got a big appetite. What bothered me was that he did not thank me, until we got back to the house and I said, "You are welcome." Then he remembered his manners. Now I understand there is give and take with the boys. I just want some basic gratitude. I could have just told Stinky, I'll take you out for ice cream, just the two of us, take it or leave it. But I wanted him to have fun with his friends. I realize that Big Red spends a lot of time in his head. Reading or playing video games, but some social graces are required. I don't expect him to thank me daily for the ride to school in the morning. It's what I willingly took on, but did I really? Am I expecting too much from Stinky's friends? I would like to believe that Stinky is polite to his friends parents. I know that he can be very shy upon imposing on them for food and such. He has admitted that if he is spending the night at someone's house, he would ask his friend if he's truly hungry, about something to snack on. I hope he's not opening their refrigerator without permission. Some people don't have a problem with that. I'm a bit more uptight I think about that. Perhaps it's just living with Stinky and Goof. They are constantly opening the fridge and looking in. Or Stinky will hang off the doors. That drives me nuts. I don't know what they are expecting when they open the doors not less than 3 minutes after the last viewing. Did something magically appear or disappear in there? I've watched the new neighbor girl in our house. She's polite, she asks me or Stinky for something to drink, or when I opened the fridge in her view she asked if she could have some grapes. Perfectly reasonable and polite. Perhaps it's just a boy thing, and I need to relax. I'm hoping the manners will get better as Stinky expands and acquires more friends next year, and in high school, but I won't hold my breath. It's only 5 more years of this.

Perhaps I'm hyper sensitive after mom's experience with Egg's friend Bob. Bob stayed at my parents home one Winter break while in college. Bob ate like a pig and forgot to think of others during the dinner. Then a few days later, the house was full of leftovers and mom was on the sofa reading a book. Bob came into the kitchen and looked in the fridge and he asked mom to make him breakfast. Huh? The fridge is full, and mom said there were plenty of leftovers, so that was a hint. She's not cooking up eggs and bacon, not when there's plenty of stuff. Yea, it might not be what you expect for breakfast, but come on, there's side dishes, and plenty of chicken, and meat that just need reheating. Now after Bob left he asked Egg, what would mom like as a thank you gift. The gift was appreciated, but we still joke about Bob to this day and that was 10 years ago.

I don't want Stinky to leave an impression like that. And so far Big Red has left that impression on me. Neville he earned an incredulous memory with his words on Stinky's birthday. Me, if I was offered prime cuts of meat, I would not look at the host and ask for something else to eat. He was given advance warning of our dinner menu. Perhaps when he grows up and acquires a palate outside of school cafeteria food, we can tease him about that. For now, I will be extra cautious and change the day he comes over when we plan to have a more costly dinner.